nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
