dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
