When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
