I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
