I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
