I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
