Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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