weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
