Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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