So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
