please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
