I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
