dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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