I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
