Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
