twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
