"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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