So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
