just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
