This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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