babies were throwing up all over the place
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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