Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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