Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
