Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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