One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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