i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Less talking, more tequila
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
