My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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