Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
