I'd wear matching sweaters with you
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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