Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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