Nicole vs. Life
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
