It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
