im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
