My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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