Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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