meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I need moral support for this bender
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
