Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
