Having a random hookup so left but love u
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
