The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize