That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
