a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
