wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
