who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
