yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
