Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
