i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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