OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
