I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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