Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Use "feeling words"
Yay
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
