I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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