have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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