i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
