Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
