Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
