woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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