i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize