I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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