Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
