You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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