In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
