the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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