No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize