sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
