Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
