My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
