Do you still have your period?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize