Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
