My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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