Cold hands, warm shart.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
