There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
