DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just found puke in my bra..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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