yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
