I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
