How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Randomize
