ugly people sure do ruin things
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
