You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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