Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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