all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
