Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
