Plan B is the new Plan A
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you made out with another girl for some wings
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
