I can text with my tongue
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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