it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
