You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
