He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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