so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
