My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
