my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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