i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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