i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
