i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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