Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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