don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
