I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
