Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
