No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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