Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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